Morons

In the space of a week I’ve experienced two road rage incidents.

First one: went to a colleague’s house for mulled wine and mince pies. I parked on the side of the road. Meanwhile, a moron of a colleague decided to park on the other side of the road opposite. I too, would’ve had road rage if I was the neighbour trying to get to work and the road was blocked. So, I go out to move my car and the guy starts shouting at me ‘you’re not going to park there again, you’ve just blocked everyone’ … ‘no shit sherlock’… as if I’d put my car back there again. I try to calmly explain I’m parking somewhere else and he throws his arms in the air and shouts ‘oh you people’… ???

Second one: my tires on my bike are so hard since they were pumped up on Monday, that this morning going over a tweeny bump my basket went flying off infront me. I squeezed the brakes hard, as did the two cyclists behind me. But we were all fine… such are the hazards of biking. This happened just before a very, very narrow part of the road, you know to stop speeding cars. I had to get off my bike and pick up the basket… blocking the traffic for less than a minute if that. As I get on my bike the moron in the car behind me honks his horn which flusters me and slows me down more. He honks again, so, I turn around mouth at the wanker to ‘fuck off’. Possibly harsh, but he wasn’t helping my cause to get out of the road. It’s not like I could’ve simply vanished into thin air to leave him to run over my basket.

So, I get on my bike and ride off into the sunset… and round the corner I hit another bump and off goes my basket, this time not in anyone’s way, but Mr Honk the Horn stops his car, gets out and starts shouting at me… I can’t make out what he’s going on about but I shout back ‘my basket fell off you moron’, and he shouts more which got the deserved very loud reply from me to OH JUST FUCK OFF! He drove off. I hadn’t noticed the two guys standing on the pavement witnessing it all – they shook their heads smiling and tell me the guy was a wanker. Yeah, really?!

RAWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRR

You want paradise?

You got paradise. Al Medina Beach House, it’s Morocco in Thailand… built by my favourite work partner when I lived in Bangkok. As a hobby she built this resort and it’s finally ready for guests.

Nice right?

Ya’ll in Thailand I highly recommend you try it out and tell your friends about it, tell the whole world about it infact 🙂 It’s located on Khung Vimarn Beach in Chantaburi which is not very developed, so it’s peaceful, quiet and super relaxing so…. TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS 🙂

Tis an order.

Here are some more enticing photos:

Tall or Grande?

I live with someone who used to drink coffee until he was 9 at which point he decided he was going to give it up. Advanced for his years. Anyway, he’s stuck to his guns and 27 years later he doesn’t touch hot drinks unless they’re chicken noodle flavoured and he often muses how he’d like to be able to go to Starbucks and order a ‘mochachocalatteskinnybirdblondecappachiono’.

I’d like to see him try.

Hopelessly bored

I’m sure I should be doing something constructive.  Anyway.

Realised today that I’d been riding my bike on flat tires, no wonder it took me 10 minutes longer to get to work recently. And not to mention how everyone was overtaking me and how much hard work it was. So, I finally got the tires pumped and boy what a difference.

Meanwhile, all I feel like doing is eat cake and shop.  Wanna stuff my face with cake and more CAKE. And I wanna buy the whole of Zara and I wanna buy all the christmas decorations in John Lewis. I want, I want, I want. And I wanna a lot of money to be able to buy all that.

*sigh*

Going to make a cup of tea and eat some nuts. Hrmpf.

Intensely wrong

So my other half is like a girl when it comes to chocolate. He loves it and is the type to scoff a whole bar down his throat, whereas I, the girl, can keep a bar in the fridge for weeks and just eat the odd square here and there. Clearly, we’re not normal.

Anyway, his love for chocolate extends to all things chocolaty including brownies, cookies and so on. Recently I got this new recipe from Nigella Lawson called “Intense chocolate cookies” and I made half the mix and froze the rest ready for one of his cravings.

Today he took it upon himself to take the dough out of the freezer and bake some cookies. He was clearly excited at the prospect of baking his own cookies, not to mention eat them and then the following conversation takes place over Skype:

Him: what do i do with this cookie dough
Him: oh god it tastes so good
Him: really need to know how long in the oven!
Him: honestly, you go afk at the most innapropriate moments. nothing you are doing can be as important as cookies. nothing.
Me: are you there?
Me: what’s happened to the cookie dough?
Me: is it in your tummy?
Him: 🙂
Him: how long does it cook for and on what setting
Me: right… go to my recipe book under baking
Him: christ
Me: what?
Him: you should be a doctor
Me: haha
Him: 18 mins at 170c
Me: there you go
Me: you have to use a soup spoon to spoon them onto the tray and don’t flatten them and leave 6cm inbetween them
Him: dont flatten then?
Him: oh fuck
Him: i made them all cookies shaped
Me: what?
Me: |-(
Me: then they’ll be like pancakes
Him: WELL IT SEEMS OBVIOUS
Me: they spread
Him: are they going to get wider?
Me: yes
Him: oh hell
Him: oh well
Me: can’t you mix em up again?
Him: no i stuck them in now
Him: oh well will wing it and see what happens
Him: oh fuck
Him: its all gone terrinly wrong
Me: what?
Me: why?
Me: was it too hot?
Him: i didnt know they were going to expand so i made them on a wire tray
Him: and they melted through it
Him: OH FFS
Me: oh my god… a WIRE TRAY?!?!?!?!
Him: YES
Him: just dont fucking say anything
Me: I’ll make you new ones ok?

*shakes head*

And here’s the evidence:

Being a boss

I’ve never really been a boss. Not until about a year ago. Now I’m the boss of many. Not sure I’m into this boss lark. You have to put up with everyone’s whinges. You have to fire people and be responsible for their tears. You have to say no to their delusional demands ‘I think having a PA would really help me in my job’, ‘NO’. You can’t be too nice or they take advantage, so you keep a cold distance so that you can fire them and not cry with them. You have to look as impeccable as possible to not give them more reasons to slag you off. You have to bite your tongue and not say things like ‘well, if you don’t like it, you know where to go *then point your eyeballs at the door*’ or ‘just chill out you fucking moron’.

Of course there are good things too. But that’s not the point of this post.

You have to be all leader like and motivate their sorry asses. You turn into a nagging tidy obsessive because you want them to use a drawing pin for each corner of a notice on a notice board. You have to explain that just because they bought a house on a mortgage they can’t really afford is not a reason for a payrise. You have to talk to them about personal habits that are not appropriate in an office environment, ‘Bob, you may not be aware of it, but you touch yourself a lot and we all find it disturbing’. You have to tell them that wearing hotpants isn’t appropriate when you’re client facing, unless you work in Hooters for example.

*bangs head on desk*

You have to look concerned when there is a panicked crises or they think you don’t give a damn. You may not give a damn, but you can’t show that in your face. All majority of problems can be solved in this life.

You end up giving life lessons to people twice your age who should know better. You have daily moments of frustration because you realise your staff can’t be arsed to have any initiative whatsoever to solve problems.

I’ll end there. I envy supermarket cashiers.